How to Talk to Your Partner About Sex (Without the Awkward)
By the WeSex editorial team, from the work of the sexologists and gynecologists who create WeSex content · November 10, 2026 · 3 min read
The short answer: to talk about sex with your partner, pick a calm moment, start with what you feel or need instead of what they're doing wrong, and offer concrete alternatives. One topic at a time. Assertive communication, clear and kind at once, is the key to asking for what you want without hurting anyone.
Communication in relationships is one of the most searched topics in the WeSex app. Talking about sex can feel awkward, but putting what you like into words makes giving and getting pleasure a lot easier.
What is assertive communication in a relationship?
It's the ability to share your thoughts, feelings and needs directly, confidently and honestly, while staying empathetic and respectful. It sits between passive communication (staying quiet so you don't rock the boat) and aggressive communication (demanding or blaming).
According to the guide by psychologist Fernanda Ezquerro, it starts with self-awareness: when you can name what you feel and why, it's easier to keep emotions from taking over the conversation.
How do you talk about sex with your partner? 6 tips
- Know what you want to say first. Writing it down beforehand helps you organize it.
- Pick the right moment. When you're both relaxed and have time. Avoid starting mid-task or during a tense moment.
- Start with you. Say what you feel or need. "I love it when you touch me slowly" lands better than "you're too rough."
- Offer an alternative. If something isn't working, suggest another option. If morning sex doesn't do it for you, suggest another time of day.
- One topic at a time. And check that you both understood the same thing.
- Lead with empathy. Everything about sex makes us vulnerable. Before you speak, think about how you'd feel hearing it.
How to say what you want during sex
Body language does part of the work, but a lot gets lost. A few ways to put it into words in the moment:
- Guide them like a recipe. Step by step, gently and in detail.
- Invite them to guide you first. If you feel shy, start by asking your partner to guide you.
- Narrate what you're doing. Describe what you're doing to them or what you'd like, as if you were texting it.
What should you never say in bed?
During sex we're especially exposed, so words hit harder and can stick.
- Comparisons with other people.
- Judgments about bodies or appearance.
- Constant criticism like "not like that" or "done already?"
Instead, show pleasure with words and touch. That makes sex feel safe.
Exercise: say the "yes" in 2 minutes
These are rituals from the WeSex plans Reconnecting Intimacy, Presence and Control, and Nurturing Bonds:
- What I do like. Send your partner a text or voice note about one specific thing you love about how they touch you, hug you or come close. Sharing your "yes" gives your partner a map of what turns you on.
- The rhythm question. Ask them: "What do you enjoy most about our sex, beyond how it ends?" Listen without interrupting.
- Something I never said. Send a voice note with something positive you feel about the relationship that you've never said in those words.
In the app, Luna, WeSex's AI sexual wellness coach, helps you write the message if you're not ready yet.
Frequently asked questions
How do I tell my partner I don't like something in bed?
Start with what you do like and suggest a concrete alternative, at a calm moment outside of sex.
Is it normal to feel embarrassed talking about sex?
Yes. Sex makes us vulnerable. Writing it down first or starting by text helps.
What does being assertive in a relationship mean?
Expressing what you feel and need clearly and respectfully, without staying silent or attacking.
Should you talk during sex?
You don't have to, but putting what you like into words makes sex better for both of you.
What if my partner gets defensive when I bring up sex?
Look at the how: speak from your feelings, one topic at a time, and give them time to process.
Based on
Guide "Assertive Communication" (Fernanda Ezquerro) · articles "Tips for Talking About Sex with Your Sexual Partner", "Tell Me What You Want, but How?", "Assertiveness", "Things to Avoid Saying in Bed" · program Assertive Communication · rituals "What I do like", "The rhythm question", "Something I never said"